Well I don't really write too many journals anymore and I just realized that I never wrote one last August that should have been titled Best Day of My Life Part 3 because that's when I saw Jesse McCartney at Six Flags which was an AMAZING concerttttt!!!

But I saw him for a 4th time last night with Jordin Sparks and this new group Prima J and I feel like the whole world is just changing around me. He's still the same and I still love him but at the same time he's so different now. It wasn't like anything he's ever done before and I just miss the old Jesse...

Now I don't know if it was that or something else but I got really fucking depressed. I started crying in my seat before the concert even began. I had to throw up. And afterwards when I drove home I was so close to driving my car off the nearest bridge. I had nothing but hate music on and I really wanted to kill myself. I'm so depressed right now. I went STRAIGHT to bed with the lights off...

I don't know what's going on with me anymore. What should have been one of the most amazing nights in my life so far just left me cold and alone. Maybe because I went by myself? I don't know anymore.